Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
2003 November
My Links
Alliebar's Blog
AmyHCalum
Andaloo's Blog
Badaunt's Blog
Berlinbear's Blog
Beyourself's Blog
Billlyryan's Blog
Chicalookate's blog
Dear Aunt Terry
Debs's Blog
DefiantHeart02's Blog
Flaring's Blog
Fotocali's Blog
Gfak40's Blog
Irishred's Blog
Joolie's Blog
Kurt Maddox' blog
Ladyblog's Blog
Lizzy's Blog
Lynne's Blog
Mblog's Blog
Mrbelvedere's Blog
Nurse Nancy's Blog
Rosietulips's Blog
Sashasmomma's Blog
Sulkbrarian's Blog
Thejongleur's Blog
Vics44's Blog
Verlaine's blog
Scribbler's blog o' bettas
Surrogate
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
alt="POODLELOVE">
|
| Just Below the Surface |
| 02.29.04 (7:18 pm) [edit] |
I find that I cry - for the simplest things. A child's birthday, the note from a friend, an overdue book at the library. Point is : I know this is relavent to my situation, to my feelings trapped only slighty below the ice. The layer of air is a tiny buffer between the huge cry that wells inside of me. Trapped betweeen water and ice until the spring melts the ice. I remain.
|
|
|
| |
| Career Procrastinator or The Files are Loaded with Memories |
| 02.29.04 (10:44 am) [edit] |
You know how I make lists of what I have accomplished in a day? Today I:
1.Paid bills. ( Still have plenty LEFT- just paid what I could)
2. Did 3 loads of laundry.
3. Upgraded AIM to 8.0
4. Had a vegetarian breakfast.
5. Cleaned up the kitchen.
6. Cleared out a bunch of old files.
Now it is 1:36 and I have done one of the many tasks that, as a career procrastinator, I have put off as long as possible. It isn't that I have put them off to do fun things. Oh no! I put them off to further torment myself. Take the bills (please, take the bills). I know that I need to pay them, I know I can't afford to pay them all. I know I have a budget. So why not just sit down on payday and write checks or go online and pay the darn things. NOOOO - not meeeee- I have to torment myself for weeks about it as if they will go away. Not so much do they go away.
The files are a minefield of memories. I was just reading a letter written on my behalf regarding my cream sharpei girl, Candy. There was a legal battle regarding her paperwork and contract. I had forgotten many of the details. But I was reminded in the letter of the weekend that I picked up not one, but TWO four point majors on her. She was doing so well. Then, she died.
I certainly seem to have had a lot of death and destruction in my path for the past 6 years. Makes me wonder if after all that badness, that some really great stuff is just around the corner.
|
|
|
| |
| Was my Day Productive? |
| 02.28.04 (6:36 pm) [edit] |
My OCD kicks in and I feel compelled to count my "accomplishments" for each day. Did I treat that day with value? Did I cherish it? On this day I:
1. Bathed Colin and groomed him - reasonably well.
2. Dressed well - prepared to meet the world in makeup, ensemble and appropriate hat.
3. Took dogs to Saturday morning market.
4. Was kind to strangers and their children when they asked about the dogs.
5. Was available for my friend who agreed to meet me there, but who backed out.
6. Took freshly bathed (read 3 hours) Colin and Lacy to play in muddy dog park because they love it.
7. Waited for friend who called back to say she had had catastrophe involving near death from smoking in bed of a tenant and the death of three dogs as a result of his abject stupidity.
8. Went back to market to meet friend.
9. Helped chef with a project in word processing that was foreign to him.
10. Ate leftover vegetarian dinner concocted from stuff I have been enduring all week, (Note to self- you have more Tupperware than has ever been sold in the entire state of Florida. NEXT time you make ziti - FREEZE IT
11. Went to JoAnns for scrapbooking/card/craft supplies. Resisted urge to kill anyone because of my depression/angst.
12. Received wonderful telephone call from dear friend,
OK- these TWELVE things. Oh, and I sort of half assed did a load of laundry to boot. I folded one in dryer, and started another. AND - I swept up the 5 pounds of hair I cut off the boy. Enough to make a teacup poodle - assuming that such a thing existed.
WAIT -
13 - I found the cutest candle thingy - a poodle in a bathtub reading a French book. The bubbles are chrystals. It is adorable. Also - a bar of soap - READY??????
IT IS A PINK POODLE.
So - now you know. I am certifiable. Those that what know me, love me. Those that what wonder- scratch their collective heads.
|
|
|
| |
| Baby - It's Cold Outside |
| 02.27.04 (6:55 pm) [edit] |
AND here inside as well. I have turned on the heat. It's cold and lonely. I miss my darling.
I would sell my soul to the devil for just one more hug. Just one more kiss.
It is so unfair that he was taken from me. It is unfair to anyone who might have the pathetic, misguided notion that I could ever love again. I know that much of life is "unfair". I look at the quantity of time, the depth and breadth of our love, and I truly am grateful. For there are those who never have a chance to experience the smallest part of that.
I grieve for him, that he was in the prime of his life, that he was having so much fun- careerwise, lifewise.
I want to go to sleep and awaken in his arms.
But I cannot - until I finish what I have started here. This fight - is mine. Take me on. I will not lie down, I will not go quietly. I will not go. I want to make them relive every moment as I do. I want them to explain to a jury of six why they opted to not do what any feeling thinking human would do, that is: to give him every chance of survival. Every chance. There were any number of things that they could have, should have done. Not the LEAST of which is emergency surgery. They could have inserted a balloon pump to protect that fragile valve on the way to surgery. There were drugs he should have been given. There was the option of inserting a special monitoring device directly into his heart.
You - those who know me, have come to know me through this, you say I am strong. No. I am fucking pissed off. They denied my love any chance at surviving. They had options, that I was, at that moment unaware of. That has changed.
They cannot rip from me anything more important than him. I have little left to fight with, other than the truth. Reading my words in my deposition, as painful as it is, has further empowered me. With every attempt to try to paint me into a corner, I came back. With every try to paint me with a broad brush, I returned the onus onto the guilty parties.
My life as I knew it, has been destroyed. That said, my unending love for him will shore me up. I remain convinced that, even if I am unable to convince a jury of my peers that these two doctors made some poor choices, that they will never ever ever treat someone in such a careless manner again.
I will not lie down. I will not go quietly.
|
|
|
| |
| I Picked up a Girl |
| 02.26.04 (7:09 pm) [edit] |
She was young, and pregnant. I rarely talk about her.
I had a talk with her that day on Central Avenue, where the whores hang out. She thought a life with me would be a step up. She was young and very pregnant. She chose to trust me. I named her Chuck.
She is apparently a Rottweiler mixed breed girl. She was about 10 months old. It seems that she was chained or tied somewhere when she came into season - and I base that on her fear of being trapped. I took her into my home.
Chuck would take a bullet for me..
She is now about 5. I had to have those puppies aborted. I am not proud to report there were 13. She would have died giving birth. That, and there would be 13 puppies to place.
Chuck is safe, gets regular medical treatment, and barks like a banshee when I get home. Chuck sleeps in a queen sized bed beside the poodles. Chuck gets treated like a champion.
I love Chuck. I do. She is a pain in my arse. Truth be told, I love Chuck.
|
|
|
| |
| The Deposition |
| 02.26.04 (5:07 pm) [edit] |
I read it. All 164 typewritten pages of it. I was, at that time on lots of antidepressants, anti anxiety meds. They asked, I told them.
I must say, the reading was difficult. But I am proud of myself. Consider this: I was in a room with my 2 attorneys and three other attorneys who were trying to trip me up from 10:05 am until it conclulded at 3:30pm.
After reading that again, I would rather have me as a client than their side of the story. They tried everything. It got them no where fast. They tried to find holes in our relationship. Nada. I even got in the last time that we made love.
I don't come off sounding like the perfect wife, mother, etc. I come off like a woman who has had her life ripped out from under her feet.
I will have to read it again and again to be sure that I am consistant on the stand. All it would take is one guy trying to get me tripped up on how many times I spoke to which doctor to cast doubt upon my credibility. Gratefully, I understand because of what I do how they think, and what their motivation is.
They don't care that my husband died because someone made some bad choices. They only care about keeping the insurance companies from having to pay for my loss. It is all about money.
But, that being said- I am certain of this: if a patient presents with the same set of symptoms, the outcome will be dramatically different. Because of Joseph. And that is why I am doing this. In the name of Joseph.
|
|
|
| |
| The Deposition That I Cannot Read |
| 02.25.04 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
As many of you know, soon I will begin the trial of my life. The chance to prove to a jury of my peers that those entrusted with the care of my darling, my beloved, my husband, acted in a manner that was below the standard of care. That by neglecting to do emergency surgery, by scheduling that surgery for 17 hours later, that they denied him all hope of survival. I have waited for four years. I want to and need to be prepared for this trial.
One of the tactics that opposing counsel will use to try to persuade the jury that they acted in a fashion consistent with the standard of care is to poke holes in my testimony. They will try to do this by asking me questions similar to those I was asked in deposition. They will hope that enough time has passed that I will answer differently. They are wrong. I have a copy of my deposition that was delivered today.
As much as it tears me apart. As much as reading it puts me back there in time, I will read it and reread it. I will get my closest most trusted friends to drill me on it. As much as it will hurt.
But for today, for just this time, I leave it sealed. Just a little more time before I begin to dress in my armor. Just one night more before I suit up.
|
|
|
| |
| Cell Dogs Shakedown |
| 02.25.04 (1:58 pm) [edit] |
I looked at my stats to see who is finding me and what they use for search terms.
Top dog - Cell Dogs - apparently, I am not the only one enamored of this show and concept.
Others who also ran: Poodle, tea cup, and Ozzy Osborne.
Hey, I don't care, as long as it works!
|
|
|
| |
| Detante' |
| 02.24.04 (7:06 pm) [edit] |
|
Twice this week I have backed down. Both instances have been rewarding.
|
|
|
| |
| Tuesday and Dog School |
| 02.24.04 (4:17 pm) [edit] |
This is the last week of only one night of dog school. Next week Colin starts his kindergarten class. He has the basics of basics. He doesn't have half the desire to please me as Lacy does. However, that being said, Lacy's predecessor Jasmine, a black sharpei - had less than zero interest in pleasing me. I somehow managed to get her titled. It took way longer than Lacy has.
So Lacy had her hair brushed and is getting ready. I will report back later. I am hoping that the rain we are experiencing won't keep my classmates from coming to school.
|
|
|
| |
| We Have A Winner |
| 02.24.04 (10:17 am) [edit] |
|
The sketch is identified by Mblog as Robert Louis Stevenson. A google search confirmed this is correct. We can all resume our regularly scheduled program.
|
|
|
| |
| CELL DOGS - a few of my favorite things. |
| 02.23.04 (6:58 pm) [edit] |
This week, the prison in Ohio that has the largest cell dog program in the country. Over 400 dogs have been rescued from an almost certain death, trained by prisoners, and placed in quality pet homes. All of this in FIVE years only.
This is a wonderful thing. I feel very passionately that everyone benefits. People get a good pet that has the basics. Let's face it, people like me that gain great joy from training dogs are scarce.
This is a fabulous opportunity for us to gain from the incarcerated. They have the desire, dedication, and ability to take a dog that certainly would have to be euthanized and change the outcome to a positive for all involved.
Studies have shown that prison populations that interact and are challenged are more malleable, less likely to act violently. Giving these people a chance to give back to society while paying their debt to society... I cannot say enough good things about the concept or the practice.
The cute thing of this weeks program: they taught the dogs a prison trick called appropriately enough - SHAKEDOWN - the dogs get up on a wall and spread em.
Humor and saving dogs. Does it get any better???/
|
|
|
| |
| Contest -WHO is this guy |
| 02.23.04 (2:48 pm) [edit] |
[image]susanofpudlin_2075 76146.jpg[/image]
He was a writer, and he died in his 40's and he was born several decades after the civil war (1860). First person to come up with the answer and tangible evidence that they are correct wins 300 Tbucks ....
and he wrote this: ...and the true business of the literary artist is to plait or weave his meaning, involving it around itself; so that each sentence, by successive phrases, shall first come into a kind of knot, and then, after a moment of suspended meaning, solve and clear itself. In every properly constructed sentence there should be observed this knot or hitch; so that (however delicately) we are led to foresee, to expect, and then to welcome the successive phrases. The pleasure may be heightened by an element of surprise, as, very grossly, in the common figure of the antithesis, or, with much greater subtlety, where an antithesis is first suggested and then deftly evaded. .....
|
|
|
| |
| SATC Finale Party and the SHOES |
| 02.22.04 (7:32 pm) [edit] |
I was invited to, and attended, a Sex and the City Finale Party.
In honor of Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, I wore a pair of stillettos designed by none other than Carlos Santana ( disclaimer - TJMAXX for less than a hamburger in New York.)
ReGARDing SATC, I may have mentioned, and if not I have been seriously remiss, that I have the most wonderful sister that anyone could ever hope to have. Said sister extraordinaire not only gifted me with a DVD set of season one, but when she determined that I lacked a DVD player, provided one of those. She rules. All others drool.
So here I sit, in my Carlos Santanas... appreciating that a young African American person of the homosexual variety gave me a really cool compliment yesterday when he acknowledged my Coach bag..... here I am, with virtually hoards of avid readers, (okay, maybe three) - and I am reviewing how Carrie felt about her friends and her family. And I have it better. So I thank you, my friend who is reading this, and I thank you sister. And I thank daughter.
All things being equal, I have my family and my friends and more than a couple of pairs of very cool shoes.
|
|
|
| |
| The Way We Were |
| 02.22.04 (7:04 am) [edit] |
Since I have recently posted a photo of Joseph AKA Doc - as his friends referred to him, I thought you might enjoy this one as well.
This is me - and Joseph's dog Benny. The occassion for the photo was that Benny won, or rather Joseph's entry won the Mother Goose and Grimm lookalike contest.
We had portraits done for the event. Note how thin I was... note how happy I was..... [image]susanofpudlin_1273 820575.jpg[/image]
|
|
|
| |
| WIN 500 T bucks by Identifying THIS guy? |
| 02.22.04 (5:15 am) [edit] |
A very dear friend sent me this image and said that it reminded him of Joseph. Then he asked if I had a particular photo of Joseph that once appeared on his website. I did and sent it to him and I post it here for your viewing pleasure.
IF you correctly identify this guy... I will send you 500 tbucks. First person only I am afraid.
[image]susanofpudlin_4694 48964.jpg[/image] [image]susanofpudlin_2642 84775.jpg[/image]
|
|
|
| |
| The Puds go To Market and Retail Therapy |
| 02.21.04 (4:07 pm) [edit] |
I was in a huge funk this morning. I was writing letters in my head to the guilty doctor.
The neighbors came by to see the wall I painted in my frenetic state last night. I missed a bunch of places. They were kind.
They invited me to the dog park. I figured the universe must want me to do that, so we did. The puds had a ball. I spoke with other human beings for a change.
After an hour or so of all out running and rough housing, they were ready to go. I had been meaning to go to the Saturday Morning Market for quite some time. I decided that since they were pooped out from running, that they would likely behave at a street fair. So we went. I would like to return with a big wad of cash sometime. The vendors had plants, incense, dolls, food of a million varieties. There were lots of other people with dogs. At one point, a man with a camera seemed to focus on something, so I tried to move us out of the way. Well, we were what he wanted to photograph.
More later - going to get a bowl of Pho.
|
|
|
| |
| The Verdict is in - Guilty of 1st Degree Murder |
| 02.20.04 (4:54 pm) [edit] |
Damn! - The jury found my expert witness guilty. I really thought he had a chance since they were deliberating so long.
Guess I need to keep working on my Tarot reading... I saw that last card as being a prison in his MIND - not the real deal. Dang - wishful thinking on my part.
|
|
|
| |
| The Vortex of Lost Loves, Lost Lives |
| 02.19.04 (6:24 pm) [edit] |
Recently, as you may remember, sister suffered a personal loss of a love. Very recently - like in the last 2 weeks. This individual suffered great addictions, great tragedy in his short life.
My sister loved him. When he suddenly left this corporeal plane of existence ( and I think he made a choice to do so, but I digress) it reminded her of the loss of our brother. A loss that, in my mind, she had never fully grieved.
I wrote of it. It brought forth refreshed feelings of loss in me of our brother as well. As much as I have dealt with, continue to deal with the death of my dear brother, reopening that issue is painful, even some thirty years later.
My sister's young love's mother chose to pass today. Sister, of course, called me. I looked to see what might be seen in the cards to comfort her. Be assured, she asked me.
Her question was a yes/no question. She wanted reassurance that this woman was not still angry. I don't get anger at all. I get resolution, and indeed, celebration - the last of the spread was the 3 of cups. She is with her son, and all is forgiven, all is understood.
Blessed be.
|
|
|
| |
| The Jury is still out |
| 02.19.04 (2:05 pm) [edit] |
This is a very good thing - for the doctor, and for me. If a jury only deliberates a short time, generally speaking - you get a guilty verdict.
This jury is going over detail by detail. The state where the case was tried does not allow jurors to take notes. (Personally, I think that they would do better if they could.)
The fact that they have been in there for an evening and a day is an indication that they are seeing the defenses holes punched into the prosecutions case.
For me, it is all about evidence, witnesses, testimony. If they cannot connect the dots - then the defense is correct to show the flaw in the thinking.
This case is nearly 5 years between crime and arrest. If the state had any sound evidence, they would have brought the charges long ago.
Which is not to say that I think this person is innocent, by any means.
It is to say that I believe in the Court system, the part of the constitution that reads we are innocent until proven guilty.
For those who find defense attorneys who defend murder suspects despicable, I offer the following: if you REALLY want the guilty to be punished for the crime, then you would support that individual having the best defense available. Because if the defense attorney performs flawlessly, in the end, there is no ground for appeal.
So if you want to talk trial with me, that is where I am coming from. I don't want to hear any whinges about your form of justice and how attorneys who defend murder suspects and child molesters are scum. Someone has to defend the accused. I want them to be real damn good at it. That way, there won't be those tragic mistakes made that do free the creeps to go out and do it again.
|
|
|
| |
| The Jury is Sequestered - and I would like to take this opportunity |
| 02.18.04 (4:47 pm) [edit] |
As you may recall, I have hired an expert witness to testify on my behalf in my upcoming medical malpractice trial that is the result of the neglegence with which my beloved husband was subjected that caused his death four years ago.
My expert witness is on trial for murder. Yes, that is correct. You read right. He is accused of murdering his ex wife.
I would like to take this opportunity to say what I believe the outcome will be, according to the tarot card reading that I just did. He will be acquitted. But he is guilty. Now, the only one that knows what really happened that night is between him and G-d and he is not confessing to those here. So the 8 of swords here - prison - but of his own making.
|
|
|
| |
| Flaring's Birthday! |
| 02.18.04 (8:55 am) [edit] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLARING!!!
|
|
|
| |
| FRONT AND FINISH |
| 02.16.04 (7:17 pm) [edit] |
Sometimes it occurs to me that I speak a different language.
For me - Front is a dog returning to me- perfectly in front of me- straight, sitting, waiting for my next command. NOT as simple as that may sound.
Finish. - dog in front, judge gives command to "finish". Dog is to return to heel position- I.E. its inside shoulder within 4 inches of my hip on my left side. The command should give the dog instruction to "finish" - ergo- return to perfect heel position.
I train "fiinish" 4 ways - hand signals for each of left and right returns. 2 voice commands.
Fronts - I stuff liver in my pants. See previous blog. I want the dogs to come right up to my bellybutton- straight and square- and sit with their nose being so close - I want them right there. I want them to FLY across the ring- plaster nose to belly button. So- in order to accomplish that, I put dried liver in the waistband of running pants. Dog gets that perfect front, I peel waistband down, liver falls into waiting mouth. Repeat 1billion times.
That, is what it is all about. Break it down into increments they get. Practice and reward when they do well. Challenge by adding on to the things they have learned. End on a positive note.
If we would apply these techniques to our daily work, the learning of our children, we would be a better society for it. Think about it. If you have a better plan, let me know.
|
|
|
| |
| I stuff my pants with LIVER! |
| 02.16.04 (6:49 pm) [edit] |
True confession: I put liver in my pants.
To get my dogs to come sit RIGHT in front of me- I wear pants with elastic waist - I put bits of dried liver in the waistband. The reward for a perfect FRONT is that I tip the waistband down and out pops LIVER!
Perfect for the liver lovers in my life. Just another liver lover tip that I use to get perfect scores.
YMMV.
|
|
|
| |
| Unplanned is Best and Counting Friends |
| 02.14.04 (7:34 pm) [edit] |
When I woke up this morning - a whole weekend stretched out in front of me like a gift wrapped in pretty paper. Already obvious in it's splendor, but the interior cloaked in surprise.
I lay in my bed for a few minutes, and wondered what I should do, what I would do, and what might happen.
I have found that making plans for unstructured days such as this is futile. The major arcana kick in, and I am but a player in the Wheel of Fortune that is this life. The minor arcana, those that give me free will - I can cover that.
This morning I was gifted with time to see my friend, Claudia. I am at this point reluctant to go too early, too late. Claudia is dealing with chemotherapy. It makes her sleepy and anxious and irritable. I bet I would be way worse.
So I went to see her. We had time together. I had fixed a hat that she recently bought that had a tear in it. Poor workpersonship. I fixed it, returned it to her.
While I was gone, Chef called to ask about installing my shabby chic chandelier on the porch. Said chandelier was a gift from yet another long term friend, Carol. Since chef is offering to help, I am clearly obliged to make it as easy for him as possible.
I walk down two doors to tell him that anytime is good for me. His wife, another chef and another dear friend, shows me a doll that she bought at the green market downtown. I borrow said doll to use as a pattern.
Richard comes over and installs said chandelier. It is shy some crystal and he needs to make a trip to the home improvement store so we go together.
Upon returning, we plan for him to help me move my HUGE staghorn fern further up the tree so the dogs don't mess it up playing in the tree house.
I spend the afternoon alternating between making the doll and emailing one of my young Tblog friends. The doll turns out just fabulously. For hair, I cut a few locks of Lacy's and sewed it on. She won't miss it.
Then, I had a chance to do a Tarot reading - on the phone- and talk to yet another friend. This person told me that some wise person had said that one should ALWAYS have at least ten friends. That the wisdom in that was that if you had a problem, you could pick up the phone and one of those ten were likely to be home. That if you found that talking out a problem worked, that you could theoretically have ten times the number of opportunities to find an answer.
Now that sounds like a plan.
|
|
|
| |
| Sometimes a Cigar is Not Just a Cigar |
| 02.14.04 (5:47 am) [edit] |
For the last several days, I have been contemplating why my sister was having such a difficult time dealing with the recent loss of an ex beau who treated her terribly, and was self destructive his entire life.
I kept looking at it, turning it over and over in my hands and not seeing it for what it really is. I was oversimplifying it drastically.
Then I remembered a conversation that we had the night before she flew out of town for his funeral. She began talking about his life, his father, his family, and she was repeating almost verbatim a conversation that we had 30 years ago when our brother died.
Thirty years ago, neither of us was in a place where we had a very strong support mechanism - except each other. I was 16 years old and the mother of a month old baby girl. She was barely 18, and dealing with a blossoming relationship with the man she would marry. But at that time, we were careening about life. We were rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Maybe sister needs to greive brother more. Maybe this is more about the never having the feeling that we were wanted, loved, not an albatross around our dysfunctional parent's neck. Maybe this grief is not so much grief but rage that our lives had such a tough start and that one third of us didn't make it because of it.
I recently wrote about visiting brother's grave. I don't think I have been there in over 20 years. Part of me resents that he was buried at all because he told me that he wanted to be cremated and I told everybody that and they didn't pay attention. Of course, that could be because all of the "adults" were so busy attempting to assuage their guilt that they failed to notice the two young women at the epicenter of this tragedy.
Of this I am certain, there are no coincidences and synchronicity guides us quietly to where we need to be. My mother popped into my head last Sunday. She made her presence known with the B side of that stupid record that she played to torment me. Her ability to make her wishes known to me, a mere mortal in corporeal form is astounding. So she got me to where I needed to be, visiting my brother by the water feature.
And that may be what sister needs right now. To know that brother and I and she are really still all we need. That we still are together. That she is entiltled to be extremely pissed off (and mother supports this) at the adults that put us in this situation. Because regardless of who pulled the trigger on that gun that day, the machinations that brought that gun to his belly began long before.
|
|
|
| |
| SYNOPSIS - of an ELONGATED SUICIDE |
| 02.13.04 (7:19 pm) [edit] |
Synopsis of my day:
Day began with work. Discovered that I have made an error- typographical - but worse yet - it went to 12 people! YIKES! Need to deterine next step.
Anyone who does not make mistakes is not doing a whole loto of anything.
I asked boss to sort stuff into priority piles. He did, with A+ A- , B, and C ratings. He kiddingly told me the A stuff needed to be done in 1/2 hr, B stuff before lunch and C stuff by end of day. It was.
Ended on a positive note- spent much of evening studying Tarot.
Left work - stopped at book store and got call from sister in distress. I don't know what if anything I can say to sister- the one she is sorrowful about is better off in the realm - he died-. The selfish part of her is kicking in.
It is not like he was a whole lot of positive in her life. The relationship was ended, by her, because it sucked out loud.
She needs to bless it and let it go and move on.
I sure hope this does not come across as sounding "superior". I do believe that my sister is younger than me in the soul department. We have been together before, and will be again. But sometimes, that can be a pain in the ass.
This is one of those times. This person made bad choices. Got some seriously bad kharma going on. Life as we know it, in this existence, was physicially and psychically painful. He has chosen to ditch this bad time of going around. Sometimes suicides are quick, and hopefully painless. Sometimes they are long, drawn out, painful to everyone who is close by.
This was a long drawn out, painful, not truncated suicide.
Now, I am worried about sister. Will she ever recover? Will she ever realize the futility of blaming herself for the synchronicity of this person's elongated suicide?
|
|
|
| |
| Rights of Many v. Rights of Few |
| 02.11.04 (5:29 pm) [edit] |
I fear that my ACLU membership card may be revoked.
I believe that if someone commits a crime (sexual) against a minor that they should have a permanent tracking device implanted deep into muscle. Similar in theory to the microchips (the size of a grain of rice) that are implanted in all of my dogs. There is a national clearinghouse that puts dog in touch with owner so fast, so very fast. There was an incident when Lacy dissappeared while I was obliviously chowing down at a Greek restaurant. My cell phone rang, within minutes I was reunited with my girl who managed to escape from a privacy fenced yard.
BIG advocate of microchipping dogs, cats, ferrets here.
So let's take it up a notch. Someone is convicted of a sex crime (other than peeing beside his truck in the Home Depot parking lot) - we get to put a tracking device in his shoulder. Deep. Not where he can dig it out.
Next time some child disappears, the AMBER alert goes on, all tracking devices are locked in. Everyone present and accounted for.
I regret the loss of their rights to travel freely. They, in my mind, gave them up when they forced a child to participate in an inappropriate act.
I want to give the kids a voice. What do you think?
|
|
|
| |
| HELP BRING THEM HOME |
| 02.11.04 (3:51 pm) [edit] |
NOTE: These are NOT MY dogs- this notice was recieved by me because I am part of the Poodle community, and I know Grace. Please - if you have any information that may help get her girls home, please do so. I intend to post this message FREQUENTLY until we get those girls back home.
STOLEN – TWO STANDARD POODLE BITCHES
On Sunday, January 25th , Ch. Charis Clarisse de Belcanto (Clarisse) and Ch. Charis Destina de Belcanto (Tina) were stolen from the inside of their owner, Grace Lossman’s, home in Cream Ridge, NJ 08514.
It is possible that the girls were originally taken to Eastern North Carolina. Now they could be almost anywhere. The photo above is of Clarisse but Tina looks much the same, a little lighter in color and a little taller. Clarisse is 21 ¾ inches at the shoulder. These dogs may have been dyed black.
A reward is being offered. If you have any knowledge of these girls and/or if you may have unwittingly been involved in this theft, please come forward now and help my dogs return home.
Please contact Grace Lossman (1-609-259-6416,
1-732-754-5658) or
Atty Luis Sanchez (1-908-355-3000).
NOTE: These are NOT MY dogs- this notice was recieved by me because I am part of the Poodle community, and I know Grace. Please - if you have any information that may help get her girls home, please do so.
STOLEN – TWO STANDARD POODLE BITCHES
On Sunday, January 25th , Ch. Charis Clarisse de Belcanto (Clarisse) and Ch. Charis Destina de Belcanto (Tina) were stolen from the inside of their owner, Grace Lossman’s, home in Cream Ridge, NJ 08514.
It is possible that the girls were originally taken to Eastern North Carolina. Now they could be almost anywhere. The photo above is of Clarisse but Tina looks much the same, a little lighter in color and a little taller. Clarisse is 21 ¾ inches at the shoulder. These dogs may have been dyed black.
A reward is being offered. If you have any knowledge of these girls and/or if you may have unwittingly been involved in this theft, please come forward now and help my dogs return home.
Please contact Grace Lossman (1-609-259-6416,
1-732-754-5658) or
Atty Luis Sanchez (1-908-355-3000).
|
|
|
| |
| Tuesday - Dog School!!!! |
| 02.10.04 (3:57 pm) [edit] |
I would like to stay home and watch Westminster. But that CRAZY POODLE - NO WAY will she let me out of the contract.
She is in trouble today. Twice this week, she has Houdinied into brand new bags of cotton squares. I figure, she can figure out how to open a bathroom door and unload a basket full of towels to get to cotton squares? Won't she be surprised when she goes to bite a nibble of liver and gets a cotton ball!
Cotton squares as treats. The girl is clearly not going to be lacking any fiber in her diet for the next week.
|
|
|
| |
| WESTMINSTER WINNER PREDICTION - MIKKI |
| 02.09.04 (7:32 pm) [edit] |
|
Sammett with Mikimoto on Fifth - AKA Miki - for the win.
|
|
|
| |
| The Sport of Purebred Dogs and Free Agents. |
| 02.08.04 (5:36 pm) [edit] |
The commercials during dog events are getting way better. I just saw one that would rival SuperBowl quality - about the athletes in these events rarely endorsing a particular shoe. Too cute.
I am watching the Eukanuba Agility National Championships. Our next adventure. Weave poles, A frames, tunnel running and jumps. I cannot wait!
|
|
|
| |
| Eukanuba Agility National Championships |
| 02.08.04 (5:13 pm) [edit] |
|
ON Animal Planet RIGHT NOW! Agility National Championships. I am already tearing up, watching a 10 year old border collie do a beautiful run.
|
|
|
| |
| My Brother's Fountain and the Girl Wearing One Pearl Earring |
| 02.08.04 (4:25 pm) [edit] |
It has been quite a day. I did four tarot card readings today. I used the 21 card Romany spread. Quite interesting outcomes on all. I am concerned that my friend for the 3rd reading may encounter an accident or a mugging in her not too distant future. I saw black skies and some bad stuff. I told her not to drive if she had been drinking.
It is a bad thing to see stuff and tell the querant about it. I always read cards that foretell of bad stuff as a warning. Also, the surrounding cards may reveal whether it is diluted (that is not the word I am looking for, but you get the idea.)
Then I went to have a cheeseburger on the beach with Carol and we went to see "The Girl Wearing One Pearl Earring". If you can, go see it. It takes place in the 17th century, and involves Johnannes Vermeer, one of the Dutch Masters.
On the way home, we passed a cemetary where Carol's boyfriend and my brother, coincidentally, are both interred.
We stopped. I walked to the place where my brother was buried in 1973 - he was not quite 21, when he died of a gunshot wound. Accidental, or murder, we will never really know. At any rate, he has been gone now for 30 years but a day never goes by that I do not remember him. I don't, however, go to the cemetary hardly ever.
So I was earlier in the day aware of my mother's presence when I began singing the stupistest song EVER written. To wit : Percy the Puny Poinsetta.
I mention this because my mother's ashes are in my entertainment center in a cookie jar. Her request. So - I arrive at my brother's grave and remember that my mother once owned the adjoining plot but sold it under financial distress. So she did not want my brother to be there alone. This thought occurred to me, I mentioned it to Carol, as we were regalled with the lovely sound of falling water from a fountain that had been erected very close to my brother's grave. When
Carol arrived, I said "Look! Gary got a water feature". We were talking about my mom's ashes, being placed with my brother when suddenly and without warning. The fountain stopped. I and she take this as a message that I should follow through with this plan. They both kind of indicated that I was on to something. So I will.
|
|
|
| |
| Connections - Internet Style |
| 02.07.04 (8:24 pm) [edit] |
Since I began POODLE! on Mblog many months ago, I began forming friendships with some of the wonderful people whose blogs I read frequently. The internet has opened many previously sealed doors and shrunk the world to a managable size where now if one finds someone who has similar philosophies in say Michigan, California, Oregon, Virginia or Florida, communication is not only possible, it is probable.
The world of blogs enables us to speak our hearts and our minds to a degree that enables others entry. A certain level of trust in some cases, begins to develop and grow. The communication, in my case, has grown from comments on blogs to notes in the mail, to small tokens, to telephone calls.
I am grateful.
Grateful - that seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I am grateful for many things. I am, however, grateful at this moment, that I was able to solicit the trust of a person that I have encountered in the world o'blog, who gave me a telephone number. We had a wonderful conversation. I feel that our friendship - while grounded in real values, good bases, and all the attributes that go into a valued friendship, has gone to a higher level with that call. I hope that we shall someday be in the same neck of the woods for at least a visit.. . I think we should work to do so.
|
|
|
| |
| Shaving my Friend's Head |
| 02.07.04 (1:31 pm) [edit] |
You may recall that my friend Claudia was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She was in New England for the surgery. She has a house across the street from me here in Florida. She underwent her first chemotherapy treatment a week or so ago. Then she drove down here after making arrangements to do the remaining chemo and radiation here.
I was very worried that I would fall apart when I saw her. She and her S.O. arrived home last night. We only spoke for a few minutes. She was exhausted and needed to sleep.
I saw her this morning for tea. I did ok. It is hard. I am scared, and don't want her to know it. I need to be the kind of friend she needs right now. My needs take a back seat.
She asked me to shave her head tonight or tomorrow. She is afraid to touch her head, because everytime she does, she comes away with a handful of hair.
So, I will shave her head. We will go through my (thankfully) enormous scarf and hat supply and set her up. And we will be grateful as hell that the chemo that is causing her hair to drop out is probably going to be the thing that saves her life.
So for now, I will return to the kitchen where I am putting together an Indian dinner for them consisting of 2 chicken dishes AND a beef curry because she needs lots of protein. I will cry when she is not around to see it. And I will continue to be grateful that I have a friend who thinks that highly of me that she would honor me with this much trust for such a huge thing as shaving her head.
|
|
|
| |
| Ted Bundy - Murder- Florida |
| 02.06.04 (6:52 pm) [edit] |
When I was in junior high school, I participated in gymnastics with Lisa Levy. Lisa Levy was murdered by Theodore Bundy in the Chi Omega murders.
I thought when he was executed, that I would feel better, somehow. I did not.
One of Bundy's other victims was a 12 year old, whose body was found in a farm. One of many. Bundy was a prolific murderer/rapist.
Now I am dealing with those emotions again. Another Florida girl, this time eleven years old only - Carlie.
I am so sad.
|
|
|
| |
| We Hoped for a Better Outcome |
| 02.06.04 (1:57 pm) [edit] |
Eleven years old, and gone- apparently at the hands of a murderer.
I live in the next city north of Sarasota. This has been all over our televisions, and radio since Carlie dissappeared. I was so hoping that since they had the guy in custody since Tuesday, that she would be found locked somewhere with no access to a phone. I knew that if she could get to a phone, she would have called home.
We have got to toss the mindset that maybe the child ran away. Every minute, every hour is critical in an abduction. We have got to force the police and FBI to react immediately.
Let me ask you, if your taxes were to go up $20.00 per year, but you knew that each time a child went missing that the police and FBI were treating it as a probable abduction, instead of a probable runaway, would you complain? I would happily see an increase in taxes if that is what it took.
In this instance, we had VIDEO the following day. We have the technology to get down to the nitty gritty and see every pimple on his hairy ass. WHY did it take so long to ID the perp.
Write your local newspaper a letter. Ask them to increase your taxes if it might provide the necessary person power to jump start an investigation for a missing child. If it saved the life of one child, it would be worth it.
|
|
|
| |
| STOLEN - 2 STANDARD POODLE GIRLS |
| 02.05.04 (2:55 pm) [edit] |
NOTE: These are NOT MY dogs- this notice was recieved by me because I am part of the Poodle community, and I know Grace. Please - if you have any information that may help get her girls home, please do so.
STOLEN – TWO STANDARD POODLE BITCHES
On Sunday, January 25th , Ch. Charis Clarisse de Belcanto (Clarisse) and Ch. Charis Destina de Belcanto (Tina) were stolen from the inside of their owner, Grace Lossman’s, home in Cream Ridge, NJ 08514.
It is possible that the girls were originally taken to Eastern North Carolina. Now they could be almost anywhere. The photo above is of Clarisse but Tina looks much the same, a little lighter in color and a little taller. Clarisse is 21 ¾ inches at the shoulder. These dogs may have been dyed black.
A reward is being offered. If you have any knowledge of these girls and/or if you may have unwittingly been involved in this theft, please come forward now and help my dogs return home.
Please contact Grace Lossman (1-609-259-6416,
1-732-754-5658) or
Atty Luis Sanchez (1-908-355-3000).
STOLEN – TWO STANDARD POODLE BITCHES
On Sunday, January 25th , Ch. Charis Clarisse de Belcanto (Clarisse) and Ch. Charis Destina de Belcanto (Tina) were stolen from the inside of their owner, Grace Lossman’s, home in Cream Ridge, NJ 08514.
It is possible that the girls were originally taken to Eastern North Carolina. Now they could be almost anywhere. The photo above is of Clarisse but Tina looks much the same, a little lighter in color and a little taller. Clarisse is 21 ¾ inches at the shoulder. These dogs may have been dyed black.
A reward is being offered. If you have any knowledge of these girls and/or if you may have unwittingly been involved in this theft, please come forward now and help my dogs return home.
Please contact Grace Lossman (1-609-259-6416,
1-732-754-5658) or
Atty Luis Sanchez (1-908-355-3000).
|
|
|
| |
| SKEPTICS ARE CORRECT! HOROSCOPES ARE INCORRECT! |
| 02.03.04 (8:28 pm) [edit] |
Today's horoscope for me: those close to me would pull on me emotionally.
So wrong. There were only 7 messages on my answering machine. Only two were from my sister who had endured the loss of a friend that she loved.
Those totems that I speak of nearly daily, the animals and spirits that appear in my dreams, and in my daily life. Such BS. Yet, again and again, when I learn the message that they bring, and hear- see-feel it - You are correct skeptic, it is crap. The skunks that I have dreamt about for the past weeks, that indicate to me respect. Not so much.
Sorry - I am inCAPAble of discarding such information granted to me by those that tread the earth before, those that will be again.
I choose to be open to messages however the messenger appears. For me, recently, it has been in the form of a skunk and a wolf and a buffalo. I am gifted wth the ability and the openness of spirit to allow the message.
I have endured massive loss in this life. I am grateful for the shadowy opening that presents itself to the next world, upon occassion for my portal.
I hope to sleep now, to dream of skunks - to receive the message of respect. It is an honor to be gifted with the language of animals. I would be honored to receive more such messages.
|
|
|
| |
| Mouse Totem - MICE For Lynne |
| 02.03.04 (8:16 pm) [edit] |
My friend dreamed of many mice.
I looked it up.
Mice - the Mouse totem is about attention to detail. Quoting directly:
There are many kinds of mice. Most have certain qualities in common.
"Most mice change their nests often. The deer mouse is fastidious about keeping its fur cleaned and groomed. . This is not so with the house mouse, This reflects that for those with the mouse totem, there will be areas for which fastidiousness and attention to detail is highly concentrated, while in other areas there may be neglect.
Ask yourself some important questions. Are you taking care of the trivial but necessary things in life? Are you getting lost in the big dreams that you are neglecting other aspects of your life? Are you missing what is right in front of you ?
Mouse medicine can show you how to focus and pay attentiion to detail . Whenever mouse shows up there are lessons associated with detail .
|
|
|
| |
| AMBER ALERT |
| 02.03.04 (8:05 pm) [edit] |
We have a child, 11 y/o female in Sarasota, abducted.
I am so concerned. With each hour that passes, the chances of her safe return diminish.
Those of you with children, hug them close.
|
|
|
| |
| Catching Errors - TV Programming |
| 02.02.04 (6:06 pm) [edit] |
As many of you know, one of my VERY fav tv shows is Cell Dogs on Animal Planet 8pm Mondays. This show features dogs - some rescued from certain death in shelters. Some training for service dogs. Some get a reprieve to be a family pet. Everyone wins.
But - as a trainer - I watch to learn, to see things I can add to MY training program.This puts me in a special position to pick up errors as well as new ideas.
There was this guy - on the Kit Carson Prison show - I immediately was suspicious. He wrote letter after letter requesting transfer to this prison, this dog program based on his certification as a vet tech. They bought it. He was transferred. So far, ok. But super boy made a mistake. He put a choke collar on backwards. I ask you , dear reader, someone who alleges that they are a certified VET TECH and trainer - putting a collar on BACKWARDS????
I think I saw why this particular con artist is in jail.
I still love the show. Love the premise, love the outcome.
I also have gained more respect for what *I* know - my abililty to pick up on nuances of training.
Really, there is NOTHING I would rather be doing than training, unless it is showing. Today, I came home from work - took my sweet boy out. Lace was pissed. Flying at the window pissed.
She got her chance. She is such a dream to work with now that I see how far we have come. Colin is in what I call the "pre AHA" stage. He is smart, eager to please, but has yet to determine that the magic place, that mystical place 4 inches beside my hip is his holy grail.
I do believe that it is great that I have begun with another dog, my Colin, to demonstrate to me that I can: train more than one at once - and at different stages and B) the amount of progress that we (Lacy and I ) have made.
Next year - Eukanuba Invitational - Watch for us!
|
|
|
| |
| 10 things |
| 02.01.04 (5:22 pm) [edit] |
10 things I did today:
1. Trained with Lacy - covered all she knows along with drop on recall.
2. Trained with Colin. Worked on recall on a long lead. He did well. We did some heeling and some other basic stuff.
3. Cleaned ears
4.. Took each of them for a walk for alone time.
5.. chatted with an old lover - Boomer
6 chatted with sister
7. Made scrumptious Indian dinner for friend Carol
8. Meditated in bathtub to point of falling asleep
9. Went to Pier One outlet and found perfect thing for dog ear care. - You know that song by Depeche Mode' - Your own personal Jesus- they had these toys - small circular cloth zippered bags with Jesus, Mary, Joseph etc in them. Except - I am Jewish, and the bags were empty with the exception of one which still contained my own personal Jesus. Now it contains him and all the rest of my dog ear care gear. I paid $1.25 for it.
10. Made plans for next weekend.
|
|
|
| |
| Totem of the day - The Owl |
| 02.01.04 (10:51 am) [edit] |
Your soul is bound to the Fourth Totem, Solomon:
The Owl.
Solomon appears as an azure feathered owl. He
embodies wisdom, judgement, reason, and
stability. He is associated with the color
azure, the season of autumn, and the element of
water. His downfall is farsightedness.
You are most compatible with Ravens and Monkeys.
Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
|
| |
| Dreaming of the Eukanuba Invitational |
| 02.01.04 (6:27 am) [edit] |
I had a glorious dog filled dream - I was, predictably, at a dog show. There was a very attractive man flirting with me, and me back. Then he kissed me. Then Colin kissed me which, needless to say, awakened me, what with Colin's kisses being very wet and punctuated with little boofs that mean - Mom, I have to pee NOW.
Lacy is the best snuggler in the world. I may have made that statement before, but I will reiterate. Lacy gets right beside me, and places her muzzle below my chin and makes the sweetest sighs of pleasure at being that close. To awaken to find her gazing out the window on the pillows, with her paws crossed just so.....
I so miss the dog show world.... I have not been able to afford the long trips that I used to make. Once Colin obtained his championship, I had to stop nearly entirely. With any luck at all, soon this will all change.
Yesterday Colin got his shots so he can now begin attending school with me. It is just like the kids entering first grade, dog moms and dads have to produce shot records. Since the bill was going to put a serious dent in the budget, I have been putting it off to pay other bills, like groceries and electricity - silly things like that.
Recent bonus was applied subcutaceously.
Colin knows sit, down, and strut - for the show ring. Now he will get the fine points of heel, stand, stay and the rest.
There is a show in March in Orlando that I want to enter Lacy. Colin will not be ready - probably. Then again.... I entered Lacy only 6 weeks after I began serious training... Maybe I will enter him in pre - novice. No points, but the experience will be good for him. We will see in a couple of weeks how well he learns and how much he demonstrates how much he wants to please me.
The beautiful thing about Orlando shows - and close proximity, is that I can stay at Sissy's Dog Friendly Bed and Breakfast. Bonus for all of us. AND she loves dog shows so I get a built in assistant. AND I get to spend time with her.
|
|
|
| |
|
|
